untrusted and misunderstanded

i knew since long time ago already you not trust on me....
cox you though that whenever i told you somethings also a LIE...
i admit that sometimes i really did somethings wrongly but that doesn't meant always...
i don't wish all this misunderstanding spoil our relationship...
you are my mom..
we will be living with the family for the whole life...
no matter its like or dislike,
yet still we have to be with each other...
i know you do care about me,
i know you do love me,
i know you do concern me,
but mom,
please just don't be like today...
how can you test me like that?
can you just ask whatever you want to know?
is that i'm that strange to you until you can't speak with me?
this is not the first time that you not asking me by wanna know my things..
i don't know what going on..
you said you so called comprehend me well..
but mom,
how come you don't know what will i feel when tested from you like that?
do you know that is really very weird?
can mom you recall back what you did just know?
how if some days i or others doing back the same thing to you?
i really sick of all that..
my tears really wall like no one business..
you dont know all that...
you dont know that how pain my heart is..
you dont know that how offensive it is...
you really dont know everything...
i really just cant stop my tears...
i dont know how long i cried for that...
can said that my tears is still falling...
since afternoon until now...
what a sick human i am!!!
what are the problem actually is?
you actually not that comprehend me as you though..
you actually not that understand me as you thought...
somethings is actually hard to explain and hard to express...
but still i know to respect you...
mom,
some question i really wish to get it know from you....
but i never know how to ask..
i think you will never give me an answer as well..

as my mom,
- how do you think a daughter like me to you?
- can we actually run our relation just like friends?
- have you ever forgive that what i had did wrong?
- why you just can't ask me whatever you want to know?
- why every time also ask other about me?
- why just now you treat me like that?
- why whenever problems happened you will first though is me?
- why will the relation between you and me so different from the others sisters?
- lots and lots more...

can said that, as a daughter like me, i am a FAILURE!!!
i always brought troubles to the family...
always made mom and dad angry..
din get any good result before...
i even run away from home before...
but no matter how,
i still is the member of this family..
i still staying here for now and forever...
this is my home...
but why still i wish to skip away from home?
i knew that each and every family have their own role, rules and regulation to play...
but can said that my home still is the very old school type of regulation
sometimes i do really tired of all this...
still remember that my dad asked me a question,
"you hope that i always outstation and never wanna care about you izzit?"
i still remember that my first reaction and answer is "NO!"
ya...
i really don't wish so..
like that situation,
is no different to whom who had no dad...
*sorry i said that*
i know that i wont be facing them in my whole life..
but i wish they will have a good memories of me and the family in their whole life!!!
but too bad that i did something wrongly and made them having bad impression of me..
is that really once wrong means forever?
mom,
sometimes i really wish that i can have a good communication with you...
i really hope that you can really understand me well and to me as well..
but just how come that we like blocking by something that we cant communicate?
i dont wanna be like just now..
i really got no idea how to face you...
sitting in front of you...
my heart really pain to the max...

can we communicate?

ε(•̮̮̃•̃)з

munz